I was once told by an expat friend that expat kids themselves become expats. This gave me food for thought and I must admit from the handful of people I have spoken to about this, I have found this to be mostly true. I recently had a conversation with a dentist who was born in India, raised in Bahrain, studied in Canada but returned to work in Bahrain. Bahrain was home for him. Another friend, Michelle, was also born in India, raised and schooled in Kuwait, completed her university degree in India, returned to her family who was still living in Kuwait, met and married a third culture man -- like herself -- and made Bahrain home for many years. They have subsequently moved to Abu Dhabi because her husband's job relocated them. By the way, they also have a daughter—does this make their child a fourth culture individual?

This idea that expat children become expats themselves was further confirmed by a survey conducted by Global Expatriates Observatory which found that the probability was high that kids who grew up as expats kids chose the same lifestyle as adults.

Third culture children

This term is used to define children who have spent substantial time outside of their home country in a culture that is foreign to them. These are often the formative school-going years. The effect is that these kids do not feel like they belong to either country-- not their host country and certainly not their home country. The result is that they form their own culture—the third culture. This will differ from any norms and behaviours of the parents. These third culture kids tend to gravitate towards other kids with similar multicultural experiences and can navigate the world far easily than other non-nomadic kids. However, the success of integration depends heavily on factors such as the child's personality, age and the duration they have spent immersed in the foreign culture.

So-called third culture kids are often very academically inclined, and their personalities and resilience reflect their multi-cultural experiences. It is believed that a high percentage of them go on to acquire university degrees and even postgraduate positions.

Advantages of being an expat child

• Learning new languages and being immersed in a new culture.
• Developing a tolerance to other peoples, religions and cultures.
• More flexible and sensitive to the diversity of the various cultures the world over.
• Many of these children/teens are more independent and self-confident in comparison to their peers who have only ever experienced their own culture.
• They develop diplomacy and excellent communication skills from an early age, as they attempt to navigate the new culture they find themselves in when they move abroad.

Disadvantages of being an expat child

• The stress of the move can cause Expat Child syndrome.  Kids can experience the overseas move as traumatic -- leaving behind friends and family, familiar places, experiencing a language barrier and being exposed to a foreign culture. Some signs to watch out for if you suspect that your child is having a difficult time coping with the new environment are: becoming withdrawn, keeping themselves isolated, showing signs of loneliness or being more disorderly than normal. In most cases, the child can overcome the difficulties as they settle in to their new lives but if these signs persist, be sure to address it and get professional help if required.
• No sense of belonging. Kids that find themselves living in another country often find that they cannot identify with their home country that they have left or even with their new adopted country. Everything can feel foreign and nothing from either culture makes them feel a sense of belonging.
• Depending on the age they have moved, the place they have moved to, they would probably develop an accent that does not immediately identify them. Young kids often pick up the accents of teachers, caregivers, etc. -- anyone they spend a considerable time with.
• Complicated holidays. These kids usually have friends all over the world and family back in their home country. I face this problem personally when my kids want to visit with their friends that have moved on to other countries while I want to visit my family back home. Whose choice takes precedence?
• Friends come and go. Living life as an expat often means that your kids will interact with other expats. And expats are essentially nomads that move around depending on the job either or both parents have. This means that friends are often on the move. Kids become fast friends, totally inseparable but these relationships do not always stand the test of time and distance. With great heartache, due to the experiences not shared anymore these friendships shatter.
• Unstable school life. Apart from school friends that have a high turnover, even teaching staff tend to leave for greener pastures once their contracts expire. This can be very unsettling for some kids to have new teachers to get used to. It can even have a negative effect on their learning. Some kids treat this instability with flair like water rolling off a duck's back and move on quite happily whilst other kids may withdraw and have trouble forming new relationships.
• Children may lose their connection with the extended family back home. As their lives move on so do the lives of the cousins and friends back home. They now have nothing in common and vastly different life experiences which often leads to growing chasms, especially with younger children. Older kids have access to technology that can help them grow and maintain their friendships. The challenge is to get them to find common ground because life as an expat kid is vastly different to normal kids living in their country of their birth.

If you are thinking of taking that overseas job but are hesitant because of the potential upheaval to the kids, consider all the advantages. Although some may consider expat life unstable, it can be a wonderful way to expose your children to different people and cultures. Learning will take in new meaning as they live the lessons rather than only seeing it on tv or books. You will be raising truly global citizens in a world that is getting progressively smaller as time and technology catapults us into the future.

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